I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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