I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
