why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
