dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
