His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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