oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
