whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
