Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
