when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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