I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
