just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I puked a lego.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
