im six kinds of drunk right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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