i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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