we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
