And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's blow job season.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
