Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
