Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
