i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
