my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
