I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize