I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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