you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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