why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
