She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
