Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
