He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
