In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
