he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
