You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
