these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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