did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
