i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
