do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
