Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
