Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
