just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
