I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
