You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
