I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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