I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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