If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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