at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
