I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
