How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
