Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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