Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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