my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
