I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
