My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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