remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
